“I Hate Everything About You”

girl-punching-mirror

Venting Sessions


This is going to be a super quick post. I just needed to take a second and vent (because I really have to get back to my article lol). I feel like everyone around me, well maybe not everyone, but a decent handful of people at the least, expect me to stay silent about so much. I cannot say what I want to, or even what I need to say to the certain person or persons in my life due to certain circumstances right now. I know that if I lose my temper now, there will be repercussions. I have to try my hardest to bite my tongue, and that is proving to be quite difficult. Continue reading

Advertisements

It Wasn’t Supposed To Happen This Way

girl-punching-mirror

Sure, You Can Blame It On Me… Again.


So much has happened and gone wrong, that I don’t even know where to start right now. Continue reading

What It Reminds Me Of & Other Stuff


I’ve been having a hard time processing Wade’s death and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean, yeah, he was my godkids father. So, yes, I feel beyond horrible with what they are going through, and with what my best friend is going through, but I just couldn’t place why it was eating at me so bad. Continue reading

Fight Or Flight Complex: I Almost Always Take Flight


I had a boringly eventful day. One might ask how something is boringly eventful. Well, what I mean by that is that I have had a pretty boring day (I spent about 90% of my waking day writing and doing outlines, and finding new articles to write for babygaga) but yet there was something that happened that kind of made the day eventful (not necessarily in a good way either).

I had a talk with my mom about moving back in with Mike. Somehow, it must have slipped her mind that we already had this talk the day I came back from my first couples therapy with Mike. Let me just say it did not go over too well. By the end of it, she said that she will not be going to that apartment to be visiting me. She said that she wants to be able to “speak her mind” to him and tell him how she¬†really feels about everything that went on, apparently just like she did with my ex’s after them and I broke up.

Continue reading

Broken (Again)


I’ve wanted to post something for a while now, but just haven’t totally what to say or write. My life has been flipped upside down and I feel like I have lost so much. So, Mike left me. We are done and over and it hurts so much. I really thought that we were going to be together for a long time. I feel like I have wasted the last 5 years of my life. All the joy, pain, and struggling was all for nothing.

Continue reading

Completely Heartbroken

 

Completely Heartbroken ūüíĒ


I’m drowning again, only this time I have a legitimate reason for being pulled under the water this time around. Sometime this morning when Mike, my boyfriend, wakes up he is going to be calling his dad to try to have him help find new living arrangements for himself. He’s leaving me. We didn’t even really have our normal full blown fight, it was very minor. He just wanted me to come to bed with him but I said no because I wasn’t ready to go to bed at the time. Next thing I know he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and breaking up with me.¬† Continue reading

Anxiety & Insomnia: August 18, 2017 2:45am

So, I did end up getting paid. Babygaga is a legit company, however, I still have no cash in hand. I’m stuck waiting for PayPal to transfer it to my bank, and then floor my bank to release it to me. I’m a highly impatient person, and I’ve been workout real income since March so I really, really needed this money ASAP. I know I’ve waited this long, so what’s one more day. Logically, that makes so much sense, but I’m not always a logic person.

Continue reading

July 4th, 2017

 

July 4th, 2017


Introduction

Today has been pretty good for me while also marking my first 4th of July Sober. But I managed to make it through with of too much of an issue. I did not even get my a** to a meeting like I should have. Then again, I also did not get any sleep like I should¬†have… I have not been to bed yet and I tried everything I could think of, besides illegal¬†stuff and drugs and alcohol, to get me to sleep but to no avail. (So, I am hoping the Unisom¬†I took mixed with my Remeron will help me sleep tonight finally.)¬† Continue reading

Ghostwriter Blues

 

Ghostwriter Blues


When I agreed to become a ghostwriter I didn’t realize that I would take it so hard once I started seeing another author take claim for all of my hard work. It’s that simple. The other day, I don’t know why, but I decided to search for the articles that I had written on the site I was writing¬†for and there they were… right in front of me… word for word. Only, they were under someone else’s name. Of course, they were because I was a¬†ghostwriter.¬†A nobody. A legit nobody who would never have their name next to an article that they would actually get paid for. Continue reading

Venting Session: June 29, 2017 @ 2:15am

 

Venting Sessions

When You’re Bipolar & Just Need To Vent

 

Venting Session: June 29, 2017 (2:15 am)


It had been brought up to be today that I am really not bipolar because apparently everyone is bipolar. Someone who has known me since I was a teenager, that I thought knew me pretty well, basically told me that I was making excuses and that there is unquestionably nothing wrong with me.  Continue reading

The Constant Cycles Of My Bipolar Mind

The Constant Cycles Of My Bipolar Mind


By the time someone has told me how much they really like or dislike something, there is a good chance that I have already had 50 different emotions plays out within my head. My thoughts race beyond my control, making it is nearly impossible for my hands and mouth to keep up. It can make writing and speaking feel like something that I am unable to conquer at times, and to know this gets really difficult for my me, with because writing is a piece of who I am. It is what I love more than life itself. I find it difficult to find the words I am looking for because my mind and my hands are at constant odds with one another. Continue reading

Sea Isle City ’17: Day 6

 

Sea Isle City 2017: Day 6 (Thursday)

For the first time since I have been on vacation, I did not isolate… at least fully. I spent some time working on my one article, even though my focus was horrific for some reason today. I just could not focus. My boyfriend and I talked about leaving and coming home today, but we ended up staying. Even though I am pretty homesick, I am glad we decided to stay in a way. I actually had a decent time today. Continue reading

Sea Isle City ’17: Day 5

Sea Isle City 2017: Day 5 (Wednesday)

I am absolutely mentally exhausted. On top of my normal 6 articles a week, I had to do an extra 2 more due to another writer having an emergency. These articles should have been so simple, but they were in a new format and style for me, so I had to learn something brand new and from scratch which took up a lot of time. Continue reading

June 17, 2017 S.I.C., NJ

20170617_173312


I guess it’s safe to say I made it to my destination without much of an issue. I wish I could say I have been having the time of my life since I’ve gotten here, but that would be an outright lie. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed myself at times. But at other times, I’ve felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Continue reading

June 16, 2017 2:53am


I should be excited right now since I leave for vacation Saturday morning, but the closer it gets the more anxious I start to feel. This is going to my first vacation sober. I don’t know how well I am going to be able to handle that, especially without a sponsor now. And what does every normal person do on vacation? They get wasted, right? I mean, that’s what I always did on vacation? That’s what everyone on my Facebook does on vacation? The same with my friend, my family, and most of the people that I am going to be with for the next week. I just want to feel like a normal human being again. Continue reading