My Bipolar Life: My Mixed Episode

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So, I have come to the conclusion that I am in a mixed bipolar episode, yet again. For like the millionth time in my life. At first, I couldn’t figure out why I would be up and down at the same time totally. I have manic and depression tendencies at the same time. I’m hardly sleeping, I am writing like I am an in a manic episode, I am dealing with severe agitation, I have all the manic symptoms minus anything euphoric. I am also depressed and low, struggling with self-esteem issues more than normal (which generally is pretty bad to begin with, however, it is just that much worse than normal). I just don’t want to be dealing with stuff. Plus, all the other depression symptoms that people like myself just adore (sarcasm in case you couldn’t tell). I’m definitely in a mixed episode.  Continue reading

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Stuck In The Negative


Mike brought something to my attention that I surprisingly have not realized myself. I have not had one single post, for months now, that has not been depressing. I can’t help it though because, as I have said before, my life fell to pieces starting in August. As much as I have had some good moments, I have not had one single day pass by in the past three months where I have not struggled with feelings of depression. I guess that’s pretty sad, but it’s true.  Continue reading

Looking Up: For Today


I am too scared to say that my depression has lifted because I don’t want to get my hopes up. What I can say is that, for today, things are looking up. Just because I have had one good day, for the first time in weeks, does not mean that I am miraculously cured, but I guess it’s a start, right? Continue reading

Thinking About Life: July 11, 2017


After careful consideration, I have decided to quit my ghostwriting job. It just was not worth it anymore. I sent them an email about it and their only response back was literally, “Oh, wow!” and I have not heard anything since. I was so nervous when I did it. Continue reading

Emotional Overload *Trigger Warning*

Emotional Overload

I am in an emotional overload and I don’t know why. I am all over the place and every little thing has been making me cry. I know I have had a medication increase, but I really don’t think it is that. When I was talking to my dad, he suggested that it had to do with sobriety, and he had a point. I heard that before, that you can randomly start to feel emotions that you have never felt before because you are sober. Continue reading

How To Counter A Negative Automatic Thing

 

How To Counter A Negative Automatic Thought

Automatic thoughts are the first things, or thoughts, that come to our mind when something happens. Sometimes, these thoughts happen so quickly we don’t even realize they are happening until the negative thought is stuck in our head, and then we don’t know how to get rid of that negative thought once it’s there. Continue reading

Creating a Self-Esteem Log

Creating a Self-Esteem Log

Self-esteem is a big issue for many people. I know it is for me, always has been, and probably always will be. Baby steps are necessary, and the little things really do help. Creating a weekly self-esteem log can help build it up a little piece at a time. You can either create it in a notebook or in a word document. You can follow this format, or create your own. Continue reading