Stuck In The Negative


Mike brought something to my attention that I surprisingly have not realized myself. I have not had one single post, for months now, that has not been depressing. I can’t help it though because, as I have said before, my life fell to pieces starting in August. As much as I have had some good moments, I have not had one single day pass by in the past three months where I have not struggled with feelings of depression. I guess that’s pretty sad, but it’s true.  Continue reading

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Perception Of Time


During the daytime hours, I seem to be just fine. The depression that I have been feeling lately isn’t as gripping. But once the sun goes down and I am left with my own thoughts, that is when it seems like my depression is in full effect. I think about everything whether I want to or not. I’ll also usually shedding a few tears. Until I can get my emotions in check my mother still has control over me. I don’t know how to get my emotions in check, though. Continue reading

Unlovable


I finally heard from my mom for the first time in weeks, and it was all for money. So I asked her if she planned on giving me my dog back and she said she had him to the vet and that he had a broken rib and I’m sitting here like I know I didn’t break his rib and did she actually even take him to the vet? I told her she owes Jazmine an apology and she said she doesn’t owe Jazmine anything. And I think that’s a no to getting my dog back. Continue reading

Bittersweet Tragedy

Venting Sessions


I was about to get all of my stuff moved out of my mom and brothers house today thanks to my friend Megan. She was the one who helped me move into my moms, and now she was the one to help me move out of my moms. I know Mike would have helped too if my family wouldn’t have been so damn stubborn to not allow him in the house to help me. Continue reading

I Can’t Deal With This Mess


I keep bouncing in between feeling hurt and sad to feeling extremely angry regarding the current predicament that I find myself in. I am starting to wonder if my family does little things just to try setting me off. Like, my sister (not Crystal) has never posted up so many pictures and posts involving Max until after everything happened. As a matter of fact, I don’t think she ever posted anything about him. It’s like they are trying to rub it in my face that they stole my dog.  Continue reading

Can I Start Over?

 


It took me three days to complete an article, which is not like me at all. Anyone that knows me knows that I mass produce articles or I will try to complete at least one article per day. I had such severe writer’s block that I couldn’t even write an entire blog post. I kept starting them, getting a paragraph or so in and then deleting them. Continue reading

Overdose: It Can Happen To Anyone, At Any Age


overdose-can-affect-anyone

An overdose can happen to anyone, at any age. Not only does an overdose affect the life of the person who chose to put the drugs into their system, but it affects the lives of everyone that they know, or even knew. Continue reading

Broken (Again)


I’ve wanted to post something for a while now, but just haven’t totally what to say or write. My life has been flipped upside down and I feel like I have lost so much. So, Mike left me. We are done and over and it hurts so much. I really thought that we were going to be together for a long time. I feel like I have wasted the last 5 years of my life. All the joy, pain, and struggling was all for nothing.

Continue reading

Completely Heartbroken

 

Completely Heartbroken 💔


I’m drowning again, only this time I have a legitimate reason for being pulled under the water this time around. Sometime this morning when Mike, my boyfriend, wakes up he is going to be calling his dad to try to have him help find new living arrangements for himself. He’s leaving me. We didn’t even really have our normal full blown fight, it was very minor. He just wanted me to come to bed with him but I said no because I wasn’t ready to go to bed at the time. Next thing I know he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and breaking up with me.  Continue reading

The Adventure Begins

 

The Adventure Begins


I am finally getting back to normal, and I love it! I was in such a bad spot with that depressive episode. Sleep was impossible, but that was all I wanted to do. I couldn’t sleep because my mind would not stop racing with all these horrible negative thoughts. I didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, or even see anyone. I just wanted to disappear, and I was making plans to do so. I don’t think I ever felt that low in my life. I thought it was going to last forever, that I would be trapped inside my own mind thinking all these crazy things. Continue reading

Looking Up: For Today


I am too scared to say that my depression has lifted because I don’t want to get my hopes up. What I can say is that, for today, things are looking up. Just because I have had one good day, for the first time in weeks, does not mean that I am miraculously cured, but I guess it’s a start, right? Continue reading

Sometimes It’s Okay To Do Nothing


I had to repeatedly remind me that it’s okay to do nothing over and over again this entire weekend. While my laptop was… down… I didn’t get any writing done so I spent the entire weekend vegging out with Mike and binge-watching OITNB. (yes, I LOVE OITNB… die hard fan!!!) Do I really have to wait an entire year waiting for another season?! Seriously? I want to know what happens now! Now, what will I pass my time with when I am not mindlessly tapping away at my keyboard??? Continue reading

Depressive Episode Part 2: My Bipolar Ride

July 20, 2017


Sometimes I don’t even know where to start word-wise. I will have so much to say or have so much going on inside my head but I will be at a loss of where to actually start… and that is what is happening to me right now. My emotions are on overload. When I think that things are getting better, or that maybe things will be okay, reality slaps me in the face and laughs at me and reminds me that nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay. Continue reading

Depressive Episode Part 1: My Bipolar Ride

July 19, 2017


My bipolar ride has finally taken me back to the lower end and I completely hate it. I knew the random manic highs I was getting weren’t going to last forever and that I would eventually crash to the lower side and now I am here and of course now everything looks bleak and gray. Continue reading

Thinking About Life: July 11, 2017


After careful consideration, I have decided to quit my ghostwriting job. It just was not worth it anymore. I sent them an email about it and their only response back was literally, “Oh, wow!” and I have not heard anything since. I was so nervous when I did it. Continue reading

July 4th, 2017

 

July 4th, 2017


Introduction

Today has been pretty good for me while also marking my first 4th of July Sober. But I managed to make it through with of too much of an issue. I did not even get my a** to a meeting like I should have. Then again, I also did not get any sleep like I should have… I have not been to bed yet and I tried everything I could think of, besides illegal stuff and drugs and alcohol, to get me to sleep but to no avail. (So, I am hoping the Unisom I took mixed with my Remeron will help me sleep tonight finally.)  Continue reading

*REBLOGGED* Beating Depression Without Medication: 3 Holistic Methods You Could Try

When Women Inspire

Beating Depression without Drugs How does this woman cope with depression? Holistically or with medications? Flickr, CC BY-SA 2.0.

Statistics show that almost 80 percent of people will suffer depression at some point during their lives. That can happen for many different reasons. Some of them are environmental while others are physical. Serotonin is the chemical in your brain that regulates mood. When you don’t produce enough of serotonin, you will start to feel flat and unmotivated. There are many medications out there doctors will use to counteract the situation. However, there are also holistic methods you could try if you don’t want to take drugs. Whatever happens, just ensure you keep your doctor informed of all the techniques you utilize. Below, you’ll find some suggestions that could help.

Find happiness and understanding through art

Art is a powerful thing, and it can create many different emotions in human beings. Sometimes expressing yourself through…

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Ghostwriter Blues

 

Ghostwriter Blues


When I agreed to become a ghostwriter I didn’t realize that I would take it so hard once I started seeing another author take claim for all of my hard work. It’s that simple. The other day, I don’t know why, but I decided to search for the articles that I had written on the site I was writing for and there they were… right in front of me… word for word. Only, they were under someone else’s name. Of course, they were because I was a ghostwriter. A nobody. A legit nobody who would never have their name next to an article that they would actually get paid for. Continue reading

The Constant Cycles Of My Bipolar Mind

The Constant Cycles Of My Bipolar Mind


By the time someone has told me how much they really like or dislike something, there is a good chance that I have already had 50 different emotions plays out within my head. My thoughts race beyond my control, making it is nearly impossible for my hands and mouth to keep up. It can make writing and speaking feel like something that I am unable to conquer at times, and to know this gets really difficult for my me, with because writing is a piece of who I am. It is what I love more than life itself. I find it difficult to find the words I am looking for because my mind and my hands are at constant odds with one another. Continue reading

My Panic Attack: June 26, 2017

My Panic Attack: June 26, 2017

With my emotions running ramped, it is not surprising that I am having panic attacks. It’s also not surprising that they are back to back. What is surprising, is that the fact that looking into my kitchen, and seeing that it was a mess and realizing that I need to get the dishes done and clean up while still getting my articles done sent me into a horrible, full-blown panic attack. It was the tiniest thing sent me into the deep end. Continue reading