**Note: I wrote this earlier in the day before everything went to crap, but it was my first decent post in a while, so I took it out of the trash and decided to post it anyway.**
So, it is almost 10 am and I have yet to go to sleep. I have been up working on an article and creating outlines for future articles. I actually had a decent weekend (minus Friday night). I was in desperate need of a few days where I didn’t feel like complete crap and horrifyingly depressed, especially after the living hell I was put through Friday night. I wish I could talk about what happened, but I really can’t. It broke me down and left me feeling defeated, alone, and completely depressed. I just need to get it out, but I can’t and it’s for a good reason. I don’t want to piss anyone off or make anyone feel bad, even though I had felt an overwhelming sense of catastrophic dread like everything was falling apart again and like the walls were closing in on me and suffocating me to death. Continue reading
A Positive Change
I wish I would have blogged the other day when I had nothing but good things to say. I actually think I did but feel asleep midway and deleted it the next day. Mike had paid for me to get my nails done and for me to get a haircut (which is something that I have not had done it at least two years now). I actually like the way my hair looks now, which is odd for me because as you all very much well know, I do not like anything about myself usually. Continue reading
So, I have come to the conclusion that I am in a mixed bipolar episode, yet again. For like the millionth time in my life. At first, I couldn’t figure out why I would be up and down at the same time totally. I have manic and depression tendencies at the same time. I’m hardly sleeping, I am writing like I am an in a manic episode, I am dealing with severe agitation, I have all the manic symptoms minus anything euphoric. I am also depressed and low, struggling with self-esteem issues more than normal (which generally is pretty bad to begin with, however, it is just that much worse than normal). I just don’t want to be dealing with stuff. Plus, all the other depression symptoms that people like myself just adore (sarcasm in case you couldn’t tell). I’m definitely in a mixed episode. Continue reading
An overdose can happen to anyone, at any age. Not only does an overdose affect the life of the person who chose to put the drugs into their system, but it affects the lives of everyone that they know, or even knew. Continue reading
I had a boringly eventful day. One might ask how something is boringly eventful. Well, what I mean by that is that I have had a pretty boring day (I spent about 90% of my waking day writing and doing outlines, and finding new articles to write for babygaga) but yet there was something that happened that kind of made the day eventful (not necessarily in a good way either).
I had a talk with my mom about moving back in with Mike. Somehow, it must have slipped her mind that we already had this talk the day I came back from my first couples therapy with Mike. Let me just say it did not go over too well. By the end of it, she said that she will not be going to that apartment to be visiting me. She said that she wants to be able to “speak her mind” to him and tell him how she really feels about everything that went on, apparently just like she did with my ex’s after them and I broke up.
I’ve wanted to post something for a while now, but just haven’t totally what to say or write. My life has been flipped upside down and I feel like I have lost so much. So, Mike left me. We are done and over and it hurts so much. I really thought that we were going to be together for a long time. I feel like I have wasted the last 5 years of my life. All the joy, pain, and struggling was all for nothing.
Completely Heartbroken 💔
I’m drowning again, only this time I have a legitimate reason for being pulled under the water this time around. Sometime this morning when Mike, my boyfriend, wakes up he is going to be calling his dad to try to have him help find new living arrangements for himself. He’s leaving me. We didn’t even really have our normal full blown fight, it was very minor. He just wanted me to come to bed with him but I said no because I wasn’t ready to go to bed at the time. Next thing I know he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and breaking up with me. Continue reading
So, I did end up getting paid. Babygaga is a legit company, however, I still have no cash in hand. I’m stuck waiting for PayPal to transfer it to my bank, and then floor my bank to release it to me. I’m a highly impatient person, and I’ve been workout real income since March so I really, really needed this money ASAP. I know I’ve waited this long, so what’s one more day. Logically, that makes so much sense, but I’m not always a logic person.
Visual Exercises For Letting Go Of Thoughts
Letting go of negative thoughts can be very hard at times. Sometimes it helps to just visualize your thoughts leaving your mind in different ways rather than sitting there and dwelling on them. Overthinking will just make things worse in the end.
Here are a few visualization exercises to try to help let go of your negative thoughts (from the book 30 Minute Therapy for Anxiety):
I just seem to be feeling overly anxious at the moment, and I only just woke up less than an hour ago. I cannot get my mind to just stop running wild. Today I will be getting my first paycheck from Babygaga. It still feels kind of unreal to me. Like, how did I get a job writing articles for a living? I’m not fully going to believe it until that money is my account, I guess. I really should’ve asked my editor what time they usually deposit the pay at so I’m not anxiously waiting like some crazy person. (Oh, wait. I am some crazy person!) Continue reading
My Panic Attack: June 26, 2017
With my emotions running ramped, it is not surprising that I am having panic attacks. It’s also not surprising that they are back to back. What is surprising, is that the fact that looking into my kitchen, and seeing that it was a mess and realizing that I need to get the dishes done and clean up while still getting my articles done sent me into a horrible, full-blown panic attack. It was the tiniest thing sent me into the deep end. Continue reading
I guess it’s safe to say I made it to my destination without much of an issue. I wish I could say I have been having the time of my life since I’ve gotten here, but that would be an outright lie. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed myself at times. But at other times, I’ve felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Continue reading
I should be excited right now since I leave for vacation Saturday morning, but the closer it gets the more anxious I start to feel. This is going to my first vacation sober. I don’t know how well I am going to be able to handle that, especially without a sponsor now. And what does every normal person do on vacation? They get wasted, right? I mean, that’s what I always did on vacation? That’s what everyone on my Facebook does on vacation? The same with my friend, my family, and most of the people that I am going to be with for the next week. I just want to feel like a normal human being again. Continue reading
Coping Techniques For Anxiety, Panic Attacks, PTSD, Etc…
By: Samantha Steiner Continue reading