Unlovable


I finally heard from my mom for the first time in weeks, and it was all for money. So I asked her if she planned on giving me my dog back and she said she had him to the vet and that he had a broken rib and I’m sitting here like I know I didn’t break his rib and did she actually even take him to the vet? I told her she owes Jazmine an apology and she said she doesn’t owe Jazmine anything. And I think that’s a no to getting my dog back. Continue reading

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I Can’t Deal With This Mess


I keep bouncing in between feeling hurt and sad to feeling extremely angry regarding the current predicament that I find myself in. I am starting to wonder if my family does little things just to try setting me off. Like, my sister (not Crystal) has never posted up so many pictures and posts involving Max until after everything happened. As a matter of fact, I don’t think she ever posted anything about him. It’s like they are trying to rub it in my face that they stole my dog.  Continue reading

Can I Start Over?

 


It took me three days to complete an article, which is not like me at all. Anyone that knows me knows that I mass produce articles or I will try to complete at least one article per day. I had such severe writer’s block that I couldn’t even write an entire blog post. I kept starting them, getting a paragraph or so in and then deleting them. Continue reading

“I Hate Everything About You”

girl-punching-mirror

Venting Sessions


This is going to be a super quick post. I just needed to take a second and vent (because I really have to get back to my article lol). I feel like everyone around me, well maybe not everyone, but a decent handful of people at the least, expect me to stay silent about so much. I cannot say what I want to, or even what I need to say to the certain person or persons in my life due to certain circumstances right now. I know that if I lose my temper now, there will be repercussions. I have to try my hardest to bite my tongue, and that is proving to be quite difficult. Continue reading

What It Reminds Me Of & Other Stuff


I’ve been having a hard time processing Wade’s death and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean, yeah, he was my godkids father. So, yes, I feel beyond horrible with what they are going through, and with what my best friend is going through, but I just couldn’t place why it was eating at me so bad. Continue reading

Suicidal Kids: 14 Warning Signs Mom’s Need To Watch Out For- Article Link


Hey everyone,

I have a lot more articles to add but I will start with this one since it’s my newest one. Just published today. It’s titled: “Suicidal Kids: 14 Warning Signs Mom’s Need To Watch Out For” and it is a very serious topic and needs to be passed around. Knowing the warning signs of suicidal thinking/behaviors could possibly save someone’s life. So, if you have never shared any of my articles before, please share this one. ♥

Click Here⇒ Suicidal Kids: 14 Warning Signs Moms Need To Watch Out For

Love always,

-Samantha ♥

Broken (Again)


I’ve wanted to post something for a while now, but just haven’t totally what to say or write. My life has been flipped upside down and I feel like I have lost so much. So, Mike left me. We are done and over and it hurts so much. I really thought that we were going to be together for a long time. I feel like I have wasted the last 5 years of my life. All the joy, pain, and struggling was all for nothing.

Continue reading

Completely Heartbroken

 

Completely Heartbroken 💔


I’m drowning again, only this time I have a legitimate reason for being pulled under the water this time around. Sometime this morning when Mike, my boyfriend, wakes up he is going to be calling his dad to try to have him help find new living arrangements for himself. He’s leaving me. We didn’t even really have our normal full blown fight, it was very minor. He just wanted me to come to bed with him but I said no because I wasn’t ready to go to bed at the time. Next thing I know he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and breaking up with me.  Continue reading

Visual Exercises For Letting Go Of Throughts

 

Visual Exercises For Letting Go Of Thoughts


Letting go of negative thoughts can be very hard at times. Sometimes it helps to just visualize your thoughts leaving your mind in different ways rather than sitting there and dwelling on them. Overthinking will just make things worse in the end.

Here are a few visualization exercises to try to help let go of your negative thoughts (from the book 30 Minute Therapy for Anxiety):

Continue reading

Looking Up: For Today


I am too scared to say that my depression has lifted because I don’t want to get my hopes up. What I can say is that, for today, things are looking up. Just because I have had one good day, for the first time in weeks, does not mean that I am miraculously cured, but I guess it’s a start, right? Continue reading

Sometimes It’s Okay To Do Nothing


I had to repeatedly remind me that it’s okay to do nothing over and over again this entire weekend. While my laptop was… down… I didn’t get any writing done so I spent the entire weekend vegging out with Mike and binge-watching OITNB. (yes, I LOVE OITNB… die hard fan!!!) Do I really have to wait an entire year waiting for another season?! Seriously? I want to know what happens now! Now, what will I pass my time with when I am not mindlessly tapping away at my keyboard??? Continue reading

Depressive Episode Part 2: My Bipolar Ride

July 20, 2017


Sometimes I don’t even know where to start word-wise. I will have so much to say or have so much going on inside my head but I will be at a loss of where to actually start… and that is what is happening to me right now. My emotions are on overload. When I think that things are getting better, or that maybe things will be okay, reality slaps me in the face and laughs at me and reminds me that nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay. Continue reading

Depressive Episode Part 1: My Bipolar Ride

July 19, 2017


My bipolar ride has finally taken me back to the lower end and I completely hate it. I knew the random manic highs I was getting weren’t going to last forever and that I would eventually crash to the lower side and now I am here and of course now everything looks bleak and gray. Continue reading

Thinking About Life: July 11, 2017


After careful consideration, I have decided to quit my ghostwriting job. It just was not worth it anymore. I sent them an email about it and their only response back was literally, “Oh, wow!” and I have not heard anything since. I was so nervous when I did it. Continue reading

July 9, 2017 @ 5AM

 

Writing


I am not exactly sure how I have been feeling lately. Probably all over the place per my usual self, I guess. I have not been able to keep up with blogging lately, I am slammed with articles between BabyGaga.com and ghostwriting. I am trying to do both and it is taking a serious toll on me. I tried telling the lady I am ghostwriting for that I can only do 2-3 articles for her a week and I basically for chewed out so I need to try to find a way to maintain 6 articles a week for them. But honestly, it is not worth the pay and headache anymore. Continue reading

*REBLOGGED* Beating Depression Without Medication: 3 Holistic Methods You Could Try

When Women Inspire

Beating Depression without Drugs How does this woman cope with depression? Holistically or with medications? Flickr, CC BY-SA 2.0.

Statistics show that almost 80 percent of people will suffer depression at some point during their lives. That can happen for many different reasons. Some of them are environmental while others are physical. Serotonin is the chemical in your brain that regulates mood. When you don’t produce enough of serotonin, you will start to feel flat and unmotivated. There are many medications out there doctors will use to counteract the situation. However, there are also holistic methods you could try if you don’t want to take drugs. Whatever happens, just ensure you keep your doctor informed of all the techniques you utilize. Below, you’ll find some suggestions that could help.

Find happiness and understanding through art

Art is a powerful thing, and it can create many different emotions in human beings. Sometimes expressing yourself through…

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Keeping A Gratitude Journal

 

Keeping A Gratitude Journal


The Dictionary.com definition of Gratitude is: the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful. Keeping a gratitude journal of positive experiences can help us remember the good things that have happened to us on our worst day. Even when we are having a bad day, it is good to be able to pick out what you are thankful for. Try to write between at least 3-5 gratitude journal entries a day. 

Continue reading

Ghostwriter Blues

 

Ghostwriter Blues


When I agreed to become a ghostwriter I didn’t realize that I would take it so hard once I started seeing another author take claim for all of my hard work. It’s that simple. The other day, I don’t know why, but I decided to search for the articles that I had written on the site I was writing for and there they were… right in front of me… word for word. Only, they were under someone else’s name. Of course, they were because I was a ghostwriter. A nobody. A legit nobody who would never have their name next to an article that they would actually get paid for. Continue reading

How To Counter A Negative Automatic Thing

 

How To Counter A Negative Automatic Thought

Automatic thoughts are the first things, or thoughts, that come to our mind when something happens. Sometimes, these thoughts happen so quickly we don’t even realize they are happening until the negative thought is stuck in our head, and then we don’t know how to get rid of that negative thought once it’s there. Continue reading

Journaling And Mental Illness

Journaling & Mental Illness


Journaling can be an important and beneficial factor in mental illness. It can help improve your overall mental well-being because it can create a healthy outlet to express your emotions. A lot of people that struggle with any type of mental illness, or addiction, tend to stuff their emotions deep down inside of themselves, or they try to release them or cope with them, in unhealthy manners.

I’ve been there, and every now and then I still resort to unhealthy means to release my emotions, but journaling is what has been one of the best coping mechanisms that have ever been suggested to me. Everyone is different, and different things work for different people, but journaling is something that has worked for so many people that I have come into contact with, and I highly recommend it to people that struggle with getting their feelings and emotions out and suggest that it should be tried at least once. What could it hurt, right? It’s literally just putting a pen to a piece of paper, or even your hands to your keyboard.

When a person journals, they can let out their innermost thoughts that they wouldn’t dare share with another soul. You can be your true genuine self, and never feel judged by anyone because you are not writing for anyone else’s enjoyment. You are solely writing to be able to get out whatever it is that you are holding inside. Whatever you are writing doesn’t even have to make sense. It could be incomplete thoughts or just random words. It’s whatever you are feeling at that particular moment in time.

I have heard people say that they don’t want to journal because they are worried that someone else in their household may find their journal and read their private thoughts. I get that. When you write something that is meant for your eyes only, you want to keep it that way. There are a few different forms or means of journaling that can be done if you are worried about the traditional diary style due to lack of privacy.

Here are some options to try instead:


Online Diary/Journals:

If you fear that prying eyes might see a traditional journal you can always sign up for an online account somewhere. This is one I have used in the past, and they even have an app you can download on your smartphone.PrivateDiary.net and with this one, it is username and password protected so no one but you can access it. You can even sync the app and the online site so you can create entries either way and never lose track of anything. It also allows you to upload pictures to your entries as well. If you decide you really don’t like the way this journal is set up, just type in “online diary” into a search engine and tons of results will pop up. Just keep searching until something catches your eye.


Word Documents/Processers:

If your computer is password protected, and you never have to worry about anyone going through your files, you can always create your own journal using something like Google Docs, MS Word, etc… and just saving the files right to your computer. Maybe create a specific folder like, “My Journal” or “My Thoughts” and saving your entries in there.


Create & Trash:

If you are severely worried about someone seeing what your private thoughts are, then you can always physically write out all your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Then after you are done just rip up the paper and throw it away, burn it, shred it, or discard it however you see fit.


Smartphones:

If you have a smartphone then you automatically have a journal or diary at your fingertips. If you have an Android device, all you have to do is go to the Google Play Store and search for “Diary Apps” and hundreds of them will come up. Just look for one you will like. Another option is just to create journal entries using your memo or notepad within your phone.


Email:

You could always create a folder and label it “My Journal” or something of the sorts, and create journal entries in your personal email account, send them to yourself and then save them in your designated saved folder.


There are obviously lots of creative ways to create and manage a journal without having to keep a physical copy in today’s day and age. Almost everything is digital now. As for myself, I still love to have a physical copy because I enjoy putting a pen to a piece of paper.

Every means of mental health and addictions treatment that I have ever come across, since 2001, has suggested that I journal, and I have been doing it ever since. I go through phases where I will journal rigorously every day for chunks of time, then I will go periods of time where I won’t journal at all, then I will journal in moderation. And what I have come to the realization of, is that during the periods of time when I am the most routinely active in my journaling, is when my emotions are the most manageable. I seem to have less frequent crying spells because I am not bottling up as much inside of me.

Now, what I mean by routinely active, is that I am not obsessively writing, but I am also not infrequently writing either. When I am not at either extreme is when I am at my best, which at times that gets hard to come by since I am bipolar, and what is bipolar other than polar opposites.

So, if you have never tried journaling as a way to get your emotions out, give it a try. Just one time. Learning a new coping skill mechanism is always a thing of great value because you never know when life may throw something new your way that your current coping skill may not be suitable for. What works for you one day, may not work for you the next. That’s the thing about mental illness, it’s not always predictable and neither is life.


Hope This Helps 😀 -Samantha ♥