Procrastination At It’s Finest


procrastination_gif_by_pastelwolf101-dak1muy

I have been having so many issues with procrastinating today. I was able to work pretty solid earlier in the day, and even completes and submitted an article. Afterwards, I just could not motivate myself to really get much work down. Even now by blogging, I am procrastinating. I should be working on my article that is due tomorrow since it is pretty in-depth and needs a decent amount of research done in order to write it, but instead, I have been helping my sister with her outline, chatting on Facebook, and pretty much everything else besides getting my work done. This is procrastination at it’s finest.

everything-is-okayTo my surprise, for the most part, I have been in a pretty good mood. Maybe more so a silly kind of mood. Since I have therapy tomorrow, if I want to get my article done by 11:59 pm, I am probably going to have to get up a little earlier. But it all depends on what time I go to bed as well. Lately, I have no been going to bed until 5 or 6 in the morning. However, night is when I am at my most creative and I love the solitude of the night-time. I actually don’t even want to go to therapy tomorrow, but I know that I should especially with me being in and out of mixed episodes. (Sorry about all the Gif’s in my posts as well but for some reason I find them more appealing than just regular pictures. )

im-fineLast night I had my first real craving for wanting to get drunk or get messed up. I don’t know if it is because of boredom or some other unknown reason. Possibly everything that I have been going through. I try not to admit to people that I still get the urges to get messed up because I just want everything to seem like I am fine in that department without doing anything. I also know that if I do get wasted, that I will be homeless and alone because part of the condition for Mike and me to get back together and for me to move back in, is that I continue to stay sober. I would rather not drink than lose him again. Now, without my family talking to me, I don’t have many people left in my life. Therefore, I would rather just walk around and say that I am fine. However, I am also aware that after I post this, everyone will know that I am not fine.

laugh-and-cryWith night starting to settle in, I am starting to feel a little down. At least on a positive note, I have yet to cry today and I hope that I don’t start the waterworks either. I hate crying because it makes me feel like I am a baby, or that I am weak or something. And I cry a lot, which means that I feel that way a lot more than I probably should. I remember one time that my therapist (either my previous one or current one… I can’t remember) told me that I should not be ashamed of crying because crying is the opposite of smiling and then she asked if I was ashamed of smiling.

sadness-is-temporary

-Samantha♥

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