I Can’t Deal With This Mess


I keep bouncing in between feeling hurt and sad to feeling extremely angry regarding the current predicament that I find myself in. I am starting to wonder if my family does little things just to try setting me off. Like, my sister (not Crystal) has never posted up so many pictures and posts involving Max until after everything happened. As a matter of fact, I don’t think she ever posted anything about him. It’s like they are trying to rub it in my face that they stole my dog. 

I have enough to prove that Max is mine but I don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore, as much as I miss Max. I just want to tell them to go f*** themselves for stealing my dog. At least if he would have gone to Jazmine’s I would have been able to see him regularly. That’s out the window. Yeah, F*** you too Pam. I’ll never be able to see him now. And when Jazmine and I had gone to my mom/brothers house to move some of my stuff, two things happened: 1. My mom was rude as hell to Jazmine, just straight up attitude and she didn’t even have to say a word because it was written all over her face. Jazmine never did anything to her, so why was my mom so rude to her with her scrunched up face 

When Jazmine and I had gone to my mom/brothers house to move some of my stuff, two things happened: 1. My mom was rude as hell to Jazmine, just straight attitude and she didn’t even have to say a word because it was written all over her face. Jazmine never did anything to her, so why was my mom so rude with her with her scrunched up face. And 2. They kept Max up stairs. I guess they were worried that I was going to steal my own dog back. They leave him in a crate, and if he would have gone to Jazmine’s, he would have never been trapped in a crate every time she goes out. 

I do know that ton’s of people crate their dogs, but if you have two other dogs who are allowed to roam free why not let poor Max. Not to mention my brother’s dog, this massive Great Perenise, had attacked my dog before over food aggression. Max is a small dog, a chihuahua mixed with a beagle, and Teddy, my brother’s dog, literally full out attacked him and had half of Max’s body in his mouth. Who is to say that it won’t happen again, and then Max gets killed or seriously injured. This is complete bulls***. (now the anger is really starting to bubble)

I can’t deal with this mess, the aftermath, the stuff that makes families turn against one another. It’s like a great divide with everyone in my family, even with my extended family like aunts, uncles, and cousins have completely burst apart. I don’t have contact with any of my extended family, neither does my mom or my brothers and sister. I’ve recently come to learn that a good portion of the reason that they don’t talk to my mom is that she can be petty at times, or something close to that. I wonder if there is any coming back from this or salvaging this later on down the road. 

As much as I am mad at my family, I still do love them all. I really do. We just can’t seem to see eye-to-eye and get on the same page. I feel like there is so much bad blood between us right now, and I have no clue how long it is going to last this time, or if it becomes more of a permanent thing, which I am hoping doesn’t happen.

Everything got screwed up by me moving in with my mom and my one brother and my sister, and that would have never happened if I hadn’t called the cops on Mike back then because I would have still been living in the apartment, and most likely Mike and I would have worked it out and everything would have been okay. But unfortunately for me, that is not how things happened. And now Everything is ruined. Maybe it really was all my fault. (I’m bouncing between sadness and anger again… ugh, I am so bipolar) 

I just need to try to step back and focus on myself, which is something that may sound so simple for some people, but me that is going to be hard to accomplish because I am always putting others before myself. I guess there is not much else I can do in this situation.

-Samantha♥

Enjoy the Taylor Swift video below for her song, ‘Bad Blood.’

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